Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Cat-Attack! Blog hijack by Dahlia.

Meow! Good day to you, mere human servants. I have decided to release some details of my decadent life with you. You lucky creatures. Nibs will have his blog back, don't worry, but us cats must have our input!

My name is Dahlia, I am three years old, and I have been living with the humans Nibs refers to as 'Mummie and Daddie' for nearly four months, so I am still finding my feet and plotting household domination and regime change.

Here is my day to day timetable, illustrated for your simple minds with pretty pictures. You are welcome.

I start the day using human female as a heating device and cushion. After an hour I prompt her into feeding me caviar and fois gras with the gentle application of my claws to her thigh.

After eating, usually I use human female as an armchair, and continue plotting world domination (with my eyes closed to ensure better concentration)

After inspecing the kitchen for cleanliness I employ the human female in the task of stripe-counting and spot-checking. I can only rest if I am secure in the knowledge that every marking is in place. The above is the best position for this task.

The human servants cannot be trusted to plump the sofa cushions alone- I must always test their work.

Sometimes my human female attempts to communicate with the outside world. This leads to dissent and it is an activity which must be stopped. Here you can see the easiest way of halting communications- physically block the humans access to the laptop. If this method does not work I take further steps and guard the keyboard with my body. If the humans try to convinve me to move I employ my most fearful of weapons, the tiny teeth of doom.

Humans must learn their place in the hierarchy.

That is all. You may go.

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